You can’t live through 2020 and not feel the need to make some changes. You can’t live through 2020 and NOT grow. It’s been too much. It’s been too hard. It’s been too insane to come out of this kind of fire unchanged. Better. Stronger. Different.

I’m a keep calm and carry on kinda girl but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to some bad days. Days my patience has worn thin with my kids, days grace has been nonexistent with myself. Days that have felt never ending. Days my husband seemed genuinely worried about my sanity.

There is nothing like a global pandemic to slap you in the face and make you reexamine your priorities. Every single thing I had planned, aspired to accomplish or even had a whim of doing has come to a complete and utter halt in 2020. 

All the blogging, traveling, celebrating, socializing and dream chasing seemingly ended in March and was replaced with homeschooling, device managing, constant cleaning, 3 meal a day cooking and making sure we don’t run out of bread….. or even worse… wine! The days have incredibly turned into months and things have relaxed around here a little bit since this whole thing started. We are back shopping in person at Public albeit in a mask, the kids are gearing up for a “new normal” school year and I am beginning to think about working on my blog again and gaining some sort of work schedule for myself. I am no longer (depending on the day) paralyzed by the fear of getting coronavirus, and I’m starting to live my life again. I have also turned off the news, who by the way is having their GREATEST year ever. I truly don’t think they want this to end.

I guess this post is more of a catharsis for myself. 

What have the past five months taught me during the year life decided to stop on a dime because there is NO WAY you can live through this and come out the other side unchanged.

1. PEOPLE PLEASING OVR // I don’t need you to like me. I don’t need to please you. I mean, I hope we can be friends but if my hair or my southern accent or the way I live my life annoys you or makes you hate me… I’m okay with it. This has taken me YEARS to come to this feeling of peace but after going though this and having SO much on my plate every day…..I have a lot less time to please everyone else. I actually have zero time. I have always felt so bound by this quality so I can’t even being to tell you how freeing it is to begin letting go. I’m doing my best. If you don’t like me, for whatever reason, it’s absolutely none of my business.

2. THREE KIDS //Not to brag, but I have great kids. I have kind kids. I have funny kids. I have busy kids. They are not perfect (Levi finger painted the kitchen blue yesterday), but I’m really proud of their creativity, their courage and the way they have barely complained about life coming to a screeching halt this whole time. Being with them, non-stop has really taught me a lot about them as people. Lulu has taught herself to sew. Everly loves yoga and ballet and Levi loves to dance, talk about the Hulk and hang out with his daddy. Thank you 2020 for all of these things. THESE ARE GIFTS.

3. GRL FRIEND // I miss my friends. I need to hug my mom!!! I love humans. I am a people person. I will never complain about being invited to another thing again. Actually, PLEASE invite me. I will come! I will bring the wine! I won’t leave early anymore! You have my word!! I just wanna see my people, and hug them and overstay my welcome!

4. Faith + Family// I would be lost without my faith and the love of my fam shining like a north star. I’ve stopped talking about it and started making time in the morning to meditate (I use the Abide app) and it really helps me start the day off right. It take 2 minutes. I also listen, almost every day to the Hillsong Worship playlist on Spotify, it’s moved me to tears so many days and if that’s not reason enough I swear when it’s on ALL my kids are quiet. I hope you mamas especially can make some time for yourself. You need it. You cannot do your incredibly important job on an empty tank.

5. Villages Matter. We need our neighbors kids to play with our kids. We need school because teaching your own kids is HARD. We need soccer practice and Wednesday night church. We need our grandparents to come and take the kids off our hands so we can have a date. We need our village. It is impossible to do this alone. I can’t wait to have mine back. One more dance class Lulu? Sign me up!! Basketball even though you hate it? Sure!! This mama is ready to live.

6. Kevin Kadish is a rock. God blessed me the day he walked into my life and I have never been more thankful for lucking into this marriage in my entire life. Quarantine and a world wide pandemic didn’t break us and I love you more than ever husband. This family needs you to survive.

What are your gems? What are the things you have gained perspective on during this time? I encourage you to write them out and share them with your friends or your family even if it’s two things. We are living in historic and unprecedented times. Times that will pass but maybe writing down how you feel will help your heart too, or just give your kids or grand kids a glimpse into what it was actually like to love through 2020/

There is always a silver lining sometimes you just have to look for it.

XO

Brandon